Pearl Eats A Pear
by edgarallenpoejr
Summary: Pearl finds a mysterious pear just as 5 mysterious kids show up from outer space...Could it be Destiny?


Pearl eats a pear

CHAPTER 1: MYSTERY PEAR

Pearl was out in the barn, looking at a suspicuos green object. NO it wasnt Pearidot. It was a real pear. She picked it up and said "Rose loved all of earths creatures, even this ugly disgusting misshapen green thing."

Amethyst walked in and said "YO, P! Me and steven accidentally warped into another dimention and we brought back 5 young boys from space."

Pearl cried, and handed Amtheyst the pear.

"Hwat is this for" asked Amethyst.

"Give it to the boys. Its what Rose would have wanted."

"Mm, i dont think Rose would have cared but ok." amethyst took the pear and ran off to the boys, who were being entertained by steven and garnet.

Gernet carried a large boy in a yellow space suit on top of her head.

"Hello, Amethyst." saud Garnet.

"What? You never let me sit on your head!"

"That's true, Amthyst." said Garnet. "This is Hank, from a nother dimention. He was very spooked when we found him, so I let him rest on my head.

"I'm Hank." said Honk.

Amthyst offered the pear to Hink. Haenk reached for it, but Garnet smacked it out of his hand. "That's not what Rose would have wanted." said Garnet.

AMethyst retrieved the pear. "HUh? Pearl said it was!"

"Figures she would." said Gernet. "Anyway, meet the other boys, Amethyst."

Amethsyt regarded the others. A boy in red and a boy in blue were bickering, a young kid in green was tinkering with some sphere, and in the distance, an older guy in black looked like he was pondering his life discisions. She wanted to go ask what was up with him looking all sad and stuff,when the kid in blue interrupted her thought.

"Hey purple girl, who do you think looks like a better leader, me or this guy?" He pointed to the boy in red (who had an ugly mullet).

"Um, you both look like idiots. Like this clown here has a mullet and you look like you let a blind monkey cut your hair. Plus blue is an ugly color"

"UGH!" said blue guy. "Btw my name is Lanch. But blue is BEAUTIFL! And i will find other people who like blue, you'll see! We'll see whats an ugly color now!" And he ran off. Then he came back and said "Btw red guys name is Keith. Ugly name i know." Then he ran off again, far far away.

The small guy in green ran up to them with his eyebrows raised. "Did Lants just RUN OFF? Doesn;t he know we need to get back home before sunset or else Caron will die?"

Amethyst razed an eyebbrow. "WHos Caron?"

"He's some guy from back home." explained green kid. "He has a mustache and red hair. If we arent back before sunset, he will die."

"Why will he die?" asked Amethsy.

"Because he told us 'If you guys are not back before sunset, i will die."

"Well okay then." said Amthyst. "I guess we just have to find Lancs and garnet can warp you back home."

Keith looked at his watch. "Are you kidding? Sunset is in 2 hours and Lanzc could be anywhere! Well never find him."

Just then, Pearl walked up, pear in hand. "Not if i can help it." And with all eyes on her, she took a crunchy bite of the pear. "Lets find us a Lans."

CHAPTER 2: WHERE THE QUIZNUT IS LANK

They set out for for road, Pearl driving, Amethsy in passenger, and Keith and little green in the backseat.

"So what;s your name, Little Green?" asked Amethsyt.

"Pidge. What about you, lil purple?"

Amsthst leaned over to Pearl and giggled. "Heheh, do you think i should make up some stupid sounding name like Brian or something? Heheh."

"Stop breathing on me, Amethyst."

Amethyst turned back to Pidge. "My name's Brian."

"But she just called you Amethyst."

Amethyst snarled at pearl. "Way to blow my cover, P!"

Pearl stopped the car in front Beach City Concert Hall. "ALright guys, we-"

"Pearl! We don't have time to see your little mystery girlfriend! We gotta find the blue guy!"

"She's not my girlfriend! And this is where the pear told me to go. I think Lanc is in there."

"So we're taking intructions from a pear?" said Pidge.

"Not just any pear, its _Rose's_ pear. She blessed it so that anyone who eats it will have keen intuition in life or death situations. I was foolish to not realize it earlier, but as soon as i heard you say your friend was in danger, I knew it must be fate that brought the pear to me."

"Alright," said keith. "But will Rose's pear help us find Lense in the crowd in there?"

"Oh." Pearl smirked. "I don't think we will have to look very long for your friend."

As soon as they walked in, they saw true horror. 4 men in blue facepaint and black clothes were on stage splattering around red paint that eeriely resembled blood. But what was even more eerie, the fourth man on stage was no other than… LANSE!

"LANTZ!" Keith called out in gay relief.

"What the quiznut is he doing up there?" yelled Pidge.

"What is quiznut are ALL 4 of them doing up there? Did we walk in on some kind of primal sacrifice?" asked Pearl.

Meanwhile, Amesthyt was jamming tf out to the funky music.

Just then, Lanze took the mic. "How are all you lovely people doing? You may not know me, but I'm Blue Man Group's newest member, Lance. I came here because my so-called friends were hating on the color blue. I'm here because blue is NOT an ugly color. Blue is BLUEtiful and I'm not going back until everyone realizes that!"

The crowd was about to applaud him, but they gasped when Keith got on stage and held lankces's hands. "Lanch, we never meant to hurt your feeling by calling blue ugly. We thought it was a harmless comment and we never meant to hurt your feelings. Now please come home, Coran will die in 43 minutes if we don't get back home."

Lance looked around at the audience, who were watching them with bated breath, then back to Keith, who was watching him with bated mullet. "I accept your apology. I'm sorry for running off like this and almost making Caron die." He took Keith in his arms and kissed his forehead. Keith smiled.

The audience roared with appluase. Lans turned to the Blue man Group. "Well, fellas, it' s been an honor working with my fellow blue men, but I have an old guy with a mustache to save."

The Blue Men didn't seem to care, so Lancs ran off the stage carrying Keith in his arms.

CHARPETR 3: HANK!

Back at the temple, Hank was taking a nap on top of Garnet's hair. Steven was playing with his Crying breakfast friends toys. The mysterious guy in the black space suit was sulking by a tree.

"Alright, to the warp pad!" shouted Pearl.

Garnet looked up at her. "Why?"

"I know why." called the black-suited guy in the distance.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"To save your friend who's going to die in a couple minutes if we don't get back?" said Amethyst.

The man scoffed. "And who told you that nonsense?"

Amethyst looked at Pidge. "He did."

"What are you talking about, Shiro?" asked Pidge. "Did you not hear what Corn said to us before we left?! Now we only have 15 minutes left, or Caren will die!"

"Caron means nothing to me. The only reason he said that was to distract from what we came to this dimention to do…..to DESTROY THE CRYSTAL GEMS!" With a twirl, the black paladin morphed into a tall woman with spiky gray hair and a white diamond on her forehead.

Everyone gasped. Garnet stepped back, wanking Hank from his nap, and large metallic gaunlets grew on her fists. "White Diamond, what did you do to the black paladin?" she sneered.

White Diamond laughed. "Oh, while these human turds were floating around in space, the black one got separted so I morphed into him and led the turds to your dimention. I knew you Crystal Germs wouldnt resist helping these weak helpless humans, you all fell for it! You Germs are truly germy! Wahahaha!"

"Well, what did you do with Shiro?" keith demanded.

"Oh, that turd? He's still floating around aimlessly in the void of space."

"I'll show you who's a turd!" Keith grew a sword from his space suit and lunged at White Diamond. The Diamond grabbed his sword and chucked him into his buddy Lanch, knocking him down.

"We don't have time to fight her, Keith." said Garnet. "We have 10 minutes to save your friend, we'll have to get to her later!"

"We can't save him," said Pigde. "Not without Shiro. It won't work unless all of us are back. We should just give up."

"NOOOOO!" yelled looked at him. "Mom wouldn't want us to just let that guy die!"

"Well, what do you propose we do then, huh?" asked Pidge.

Just then, he pulled a ripe pear out of his back pocket. He took a bite and handed it to Pidge. "Everyone gets a bite!"

Pidge bit it and handed to Keith and Lacne. They bit and handed it to Garnet and Hank, they repated and handed it to Amethyst, she bit and handed it to Pearl. Pearl took the last bite.

"Now, to the warp pad!" said Steven.

White Diamond laughed. "You're not going anywhere, Germs!"

Hank grew a cannon out of a little handle he was holding and shot it at White Diamond. She poofed into a small white diamond like the one on her forehead. Garnet mouth hung open. "How did you do that?"

Hank patted his cannon. "Well, this is some of the best technology in the galaxy!"

Garnet nodded. "I see." She ran to the small diamond laying on the ground and bubbled it. "We'll have fun with you later, White Diamond." She turned to the group. "Alright to the warp pad, we don't have much time left!"

CHAPTER 4: LANCE DOES A GAY

The squad (Garnet, Stveen, Pearl, Ametits, Lank, Hank, Keeth, and Pige) wapred to the pad nearest to Shiro's location, as guided by Rose's pear. They looked up and saw Shiro floating around in the distance, screaming for help. Lace and Keith looked at each other. "We'll handle this one." said Lahnce.

But Pigde and Hank were already bringing Shiro back to the warp pad. Lanye sighed in despair. "Oh, go Pidge and Honk. Woo hoo." he said unenthiastically when they came back.

"Thanks, bud." said Hank.

"4 minutes!" shouted Pidge. "Can we make it?"

Lance gayly started singing Modonna. "Oh! We only got 4 minutes to save the world!"

Keith gaiyily cheered him on.

Garnet smiled at the gay sight. "We have plenty of time. My pear senses are telling me that there's another warp pad right by your friend Karen."

Pidge rushed to the warp pad. "Okay, lets go! Lets go!"

"Not so fast." said Garnet. "My other senses are telling me that warp pad will only take 2 at a time. And you need a gem to operate it."

"Of cousre!" Keith threw up his arms.

"Stay calm, Keith." said Garnet. "I'll go with you. Amethyst will go with Lans. Pearl with Shiro. Steven with Pidge. And Honk, we'll come back for you."

Hank raised his eyebrows. "W-w-what?!"

Garnet grabbed Keith and headed for the warp pad. "Don't worry Honk, you'll do great." And they warped away.

"You're next, lance, hurry!" yelled Pidge.

Lance and Amethyst scrambled to the pad and they vanished in a sprinkle of light.

Pearl and Shiro stepped on and did the same.

As Steven and Pidge crawled on to the pad, Steven frantically looked around the pad floor as if he was lost.

"What are you doing? We don't have much time left!" said Pidge.

"I know, I just, I've never seen a warp pad like this."

"You don't know how to use it?!"

"I...no, I don't."

"Oh, quiznut. We have less than 3 minutes! Try to figur it out!" Pidge's eye bugged out from stress.

"Okay, okay, just take a deep breath. We can do this." Steven closed his eyes and inhaled slowly.

Pidge and Hank watched for a couple long seconds as he searched for the secret ways of the warp pad. Pidge's watch seemed to countdown the time til Caron's potential death more slowly. 2:51...2:50…2:49... And when Steven exhaled his breath, he and Pidge dissapeared into light just like the others.

So this left Hank all alone in the never ending vacuum of space. He looked all around to see nothing but stars and stars and stars illuminating the black sky. "Okay, this is fine. Garnet should be back any second. I'll be perfectly safe until then. This looks like an uninhabitated planet, so no creepy aliens should come take me away and harvest my organs. I'll be fine. Just breath, Hunk."

"You're right, this planet _is_ uninhabited indeed." called a woman's voice behind him. He turned to see her - White Diamond.

"How did you-?!" he grabbed his hair with both hands, his brows raised in panic.

"You see, long ago, this was a busy, thriving planet. But the Diamond Authority needed it for other things. The creatures of this palnet are long extinct, just like the creatures of your planet will be soon. And how did I escape you ask? Bah! You really think the measly Crytsal Gems can hold a Diamond in their custody? Not even the strongest bubble in the world can hold me!" She walked towards him, her silk white cape flowing behind her.

Hank brought his cannon out again. "Now listen, white lady, I won't hesitate to pulverize you again with Ol' Trustworthy here. And they call him Ol' Turstworthy for a reason!"

White diamond, towering over him, grabbed the cannon from Hank's hands just as he fired it, missing her by a long shot. She crumbled the bayard in her fist like a rock. Then she picked up Hunk and tossed him across the ground.

"Pathetic!" she called. "Even more pathetic than the black suited human!" She walked up to him and lifted her giant foot towards him. "Any last words before I stomp you out of exsistance and trick your friends by morphing into you and detroying the earth?"

Hank shook in sheer panic, wide eyes fixated on her shoe. "Th-th-that's a big boot.."

She lifted her shoe up right above Hank. "Don't worry, this will only hurt a lot!" She began to laugh maniacally for several seconds when a giant boot came crashing down on her, poofing her instantly.

Jaw dropped, Hank regarded this bigger boot in awe. Then he screamed, "BIGGER BOOT!" and ran the opposite direction.

But the voice above him called, "Don't be afraid, This is just another day in the life of Jimmy Nutrin."

When Hank heard those words, he jooked up and saw this beautfil face above him: (i.) (imgur).(c)(o)(m) (/) (poAV8Oc.) (png)

"A magical pear told me to come here and rescue you." said the giant handsome man. "I am Jimbles Nutrin, ancient guardian of this planet in all its creatures. I rise again with the chance to destroy White Diamond, destroyer of this planet." He reached down to grab the small diamond, that was like a grain of salt in his hand.

Just then, Garnet appeared at the warp pad. "Sorry, Honk, we-" then she saw Jimbles.

"He saved my life!" yelled Honk.

"Is that- does he have White Diamond's gem?" she asked.

"Oh, oh yeah, it's a long story." said Hank.

Garnet flew up to Jimbles' hand. "Jimbles, that diamond is more powerful than you know. Give it to me."

"Or maybe it is more powerful than _you_ know. She escaped you once, and she'll do it again. We must shatter her." replied Jimbles.

Flashbacks from Pink Diamond's shattering flooded her thoughts. The crystal gems swore never to shatter another gem, but right now they had no choice if they wanted White Diamond to stay gone. "Jimbles,it wouldn't be right to shatter her. I don't think I can do it." she paused. "So that's why you will do it."

Jimbles nodded. He squeezed the grain-sized diamond as hard as he could with his thumb and index finger until he felt it break. He lifted his finger and Garnet gasped sharply as she saw the shards on Jimbles' thumb. She flew to collect the shards, bubbled them up, and sent them back to the temple.

"Just another day in the life of Jimmy Nutrin," said Jimbles.

Garnet flew back down to Hunk. And realizing they only had 20 seconds left, momentarially snapped out of her sadness and set Hank on top of her head, flying them to the warp pad. Finally, they dissapeard into a flash of light.

CHAPTER 5: REUNITED AND IM FEELING SO FINE

Back at the castle, Princess Alluna tended to the dying Caron. Lance patted her shoulder as she wept over Caron.

"13 seconds" Pidge said despairingly.

"Oh, Coran! Why did you ever say that you'd die if they didn't return before sunset? You should have known vows like that on Altea always come true!" cried Allura.

"I'm sorry, Allura. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have let that woman trick me like that." said Shiro.

"No, no, it's mine." said Lance. "I'm the one who went and joined Blue Man Group like a stubborn child."

"No, its mine." said Keith. "I should have stuck up for you when Amethyst said blue was stupid."

"It's actually mine." said Pidge. "I used wrong coordinates that led us to another dimention in the first place."

"Taking the blame for this won't save Coran." said Allura.

"No, but we will!" called Garnet in hte distance, Honk holding on to her hair for dear life.

Just as the timer hit zero and Coran inhaled his final breath, Hunk rolled off Garnet's head and next to Caron's side.

"Don't die Caron, I'm here!" Hank leaned over him.

Coran finally exhaled what seemed to be all the air in his watched him for a long, painful second, then he inhaled deeply and sat up groggily. "Honk, you're here." said Coran.

Hunk squeezed him into a tight hug. "Oh, Coran, you're alive!" tears streamed down his face.

"Yes, yes," Caorn wheezed. "Could you please not hug so tight lest you _actually_ kill me?"

Hank let go. "Sorry, coran."

Lance gave Coran a fist-bump. "Coran, my man! Glad to see you not dead again!"

"I'm glad as well." said Alurra, wiping her tears. She turned to Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, adn Steven. "Thank you, Crystal Gems, for saving Coran's life. I don't know how we can ever repay you."

"Oh, don't sweat it, Princess girl! Saving people is kind of our thing." said Amethyst.

"It's our thing too!" protested Lance. "We just, uh…"

Allura frowned at him. "You put one of our closest friends in serious danger."

"Oh, so it's _my_ fault! I thought you just said blaming people did no good!"

She ignored him and turned back to Amethyst. "Feel free to call us if you ever need anything. We owe you immensely."

"Oh, well, feel free to call me, uh, I mean us any time too!" said Pearl, who was looking at Allura very gayly.

Allura laughed. "Will do."

And with that, the Crystal Gems said their goodbyes and waved at their new friends as they warped back home.

CHAPTER 6: X FILES THEME PLAYS

"Wow Pearl, that was smooth." said Amethyst, stepping off of the warp pad.

"I-I just meant like if she ever needs help she should call us, you know?"

"Riiiight, thats why you said 'me', huh?" Amethyst teased.

"Oh shut up, Amethyst. I'd like to see you try to woo a woman."

"You mean succeed?" Amethyst smoothly slid next to Garnet and pulled a bouquet of flowers from her gem. "Heheh, hey Garnet, do you have a bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you." Amethyst seductively wriggled her eyebrows.

"Gems bodies are a manifestation of light. It's impossible for us to scrape our knees." Garnet said stoically.

"Oh, you wooed her!" said Pearl.

"Come on, Garnet! Why you acting all serious?" asked Amethyst.

Garnet didn't meet her eye. She thought for a second, wondering how to phrase what had happened. "..White Diamond escaped."

Pearl and Amethyst gasped.

"And then the guardian giant of the planet we were on took her and shattered her."

Amethyst and Pearl lost their shit.

"Sh-shattered?! A _Diamond_!?" Pearl cried. "How could you let that happen?!"

"I had no choice. Lives were at stake." said Garnet. "It was either White Diamond or the boys' friend."

"B-but White Diamond is a Diamond! She has millions of soldiers and followers that are probably on their way to kill us right now!" yelled Pearl.

"Why? I didn't shatter her. The giant did."

"You were _there!_ "

"But they don't proof of that!" said Amthyst. "Right, Garnet? It's not like they can prove anything!"

"Well, after the giant shattered her, I bubbled her shards back to temple."

Pearl fainted.

Garnet picked her back up. "If we hide the shards in Lion, like Rose did with Bismuth, they'll never find her. We'll be safe. You shouldn't worry right now, Pearl. We just saved somebody's life. Let's worry about one thing at a time."

Pearl gulped. "I have a very bad feeling about this."

"Relax, P! Garnet's right, they'll never find us! And even if they do, we'll kick their butts! So chill." said Amethyst, opening up the frigde.

Garnet couldn't help it, but his words rang in her head like a broken tape recorder.

"Just another day in the life of Jimmy Nutrin."

THE END


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